he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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