I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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