PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
