Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
