Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is Oprah even human
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
