And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
