She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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