fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
