Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
