True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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