it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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