I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
