I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
