i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
