thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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