i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
