Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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