Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
