But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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