Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
