are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
