He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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