I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
