Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize