I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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