In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
