I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ttyl tear gas
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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