It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
