As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
