stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize