The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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