I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
