Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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