thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I pour the whiskey from now on
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