smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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