All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
