We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
