I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
