I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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