You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
