i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
