so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
