There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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