I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
