i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
