I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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