as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
