I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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