There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
