its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize