Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
