One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
