hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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