my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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