I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
