i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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