The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is not my ceiling
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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