Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
