in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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