Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
