I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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