listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
its liver damage thursday
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
