well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
