you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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