I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
