We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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