I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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