You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
