he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
