Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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