I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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