at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
