I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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